» So What’s Your Story?

So What’s Your Story?

November 5, 2007 on 9:04 pm | In The Power of Story book |

I’m often asked: What is the first step in getting your story straight? I tell people to first identify their “old story”. That’s because we often need to clear out our collection of reasons why the world is holding us back. Everybody has a story- you, your boss, your spouse, everyone. Most of us, at one time or another, have a story that stops working. Situations, jobs, or people in our lives seem alright but then something changes. This can be sudden or happen over time. Either way, now is the time to craft a new story that works for you.

Ask yourself “what is the story I can tell that will take me where I want to go?” Examine why your old story doesn’t work, and contract the differences between your old and new versions. So often when our stories don’t work, we tend to shift our focus outside of ourselves. Psychologists call this an external ‘locus of control’. If your story blames outside people and situations such as the office setting, the boss, lack of empowerment, a lack of time, or the nature of the business you have an external locus of control. At the Human Performance Institute, we have studied several thousand of individuals’ answers to what they identified as their biggest obstacle in having more energy and being fully engaged. We expected to find that people would tell us that they needed more sleep, better habits, or additional training. Interestingly, the top ten obstacles that people named share the same problem- an external locus of control.

This external focus is an obstacle that will get in the way of getting your story straight. As long as you let external forces play a main part in your personal story, it will prevent you from using more useful self-messages. So what is your story? In order to answer that question and develop a new story, you must shift your locus of control in your story from external to internal. Then progress can be made to deepen your levels of engagement in your business and personal life.

Posted by Dr Loehr

1 Comment

Here’s a bit of my story…where would say my locus of control lies???

I am the child of two wonderful divorced parents who, due to no fault of their own, suffer from debilitating mental illness. I learned so much from this. I was never told I could NOT do something since most of the time it was up to me. I decided at 15 to pursue a degree in engineering due to the promise of a whopping starting salary of $30K which pretty much ensured I’d be able to care for my family. With no natural aptitude in math or science I fought hard in high school to obtain a scholarship and loans to attend Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, MA. During my time at WPI, I started CYCLING and rode HARD to relieve stress. I also met a girl who taught me to swim face down all the way to the other end of the pool. I ran when the snow was too deep for bike riding.

I’d heard about triathlons and I dreamed of someday participating in one when I thought I was good enough….

But I was too fearful to enter and then soon forgot myself when I learned I was to have another mouth to feed. My son, Phil, was born in ‘87 and it was time to find that high-paying job. I graduated with my class and my bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering-baby in one arm, books in the other, and received several job offers. I chose the one in Utah working the redesign of the space shuttle boosters and work/parenting/home ownership became top priorities for me, a single mom.

Life soon brought us to Cincinnati, marriage, and a weight of 300 pounds. My lovely daughter, Johanna, was born and so continued the focus of balancing work/family. Triathlon dreams lingered in my heart but the time was not right. Then one day, I summoned the courage to go on yet ANOTHER diet. The misery of not being able to walk across a parking lot without exhaustion had become too much and I decided that I would try…one more time. “Please, God, oh please help me!” This time, as the weight came off I began to run in the early morning darkness until a nutritionist at the diet center suggested I register for Columbus Marathon 2004.Unbelievable but it rekindled my inner self. Training was such a learning experience and with each new long distance I wondered if I would die.

During this time, my son attempted suicide.

Some days the only thing I felt sure of was the road—running/praying/sobbing. I continued to juggle it all and had moved into a corporate leadership role. One month pre-marathon I awoke to find much of my body paralyzed on the right side.

Shingles set into my cranial nerves. I could not stand straight enough to run nor focus my eyes on the path in front of me but my body and spirit were still strong and I finished the 26.2 in less than 2 hundreths of my pre-paralysis goal time of 5 hours. I was now a marathon runner! My body functioning mostly returned with the exception of my hearing and I went on to run 11 more marathons including an Ultramarathon, a 50K trail race.

I worked a second job in a bike shop to earn money/bike skills to start riding again. I’d maintained my swimming even when I was very heavy-often swimming for hours just for the tranquility of being weightless….So, the progression to triathlete was evolving and with it was my new LOVE of life.

I completed my first Ironman Triathlon—2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 run in 15 hours in Louisville, KY raising $3000 for Docs Without Borders last Aug.

and

at age 42

I’m known by my running buddies as Mary Sunshine, the wild and crazy sandbagger who will veer off the route spontaneously to make a snow angel or belly dance at mile 20 of a painful marathon.

I’m caring, irreverent, moody, and a terrible flirt. I change my hairstyle like the wind and participated in St. Baldrick’s head-shaving event to benefit children with cancer on March 16th—on my son’s 21st birthday and at the location of the Ironman Finish Line.

Comment by MarySunshine — May 19, 2008 #

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